Cosmo's Web Log

All in a day...

2009-07-07T18:17:00.002-04:00

I lead a simple life.

I ought to. I'm a dog.

A dog's life should not really be all that complicated. That's a good thing because I can't get my own food--well, I can, but I get all sorts of negative feedback when I do.

Therefore, J feeds me.

If she forgets the time, I remind her. In fact, as a special consideration, I usually let her know a half hour or so in advance. I know how much she hates to forget things. It's the least I can do, right? I don't whine, I don't nag...but I like to eat on time.

It's not like she has to do my laundry, after all.

It's a simple life, like I said.

She told someone today that she's afraid she bores me.

It's always one way or the other with her. There's never a steady flow of entertainment that eases into bed time. She's either up all night keeping me up, or she's up all night doing something so quiet that even the cats are bored.

For awhile, it was all saxophone music, all the time. I'll never get The Girl from Ipenema out of my head. Lately, she's started listening to TV and Movie clips on the machine so she can hear different accents. It's better than nothing. That and the days we visit her students keep me from complete crazy boredom.

When she gets too quiet, I get up on the love seat and stare at her. Whenever her head turns in my general direction, I wag my tail madly. It never fails to get a rise out of her.

A dog's gotta do something for entertainment, right?

Cosmo

Long Days

2009-06-25T19:53:00.002-04:00

Hi. It's been a week or two so I figured it was past time for me to nudge J away from the computer and get a few words in. Not many, just a few.

There's not a lot going on, really. Still, who should I tell about how cranky J is besides you? It's not like the cats don't know. They're just smaller and able to hide in the closet.

A bunch of kids got the wild idea to play on the hill behind our balcony this morning. That's going to cause J to get grumpy every time. She's not at her best in the morning. I count morning for her as after she's been to sleep--she usually turns everything off some time around 4--I know it's four because once in awhile, the kid will stumble out and point out the time to her.

Well, anyway, J slammed the sliding glass door and put the air on. (which might not have been necessary except she left the oven broiler on after she made a snack) It was a tense morning around these parts.

When she got up, she took me out on the balcony and brushed me.

A lot.

I think we carpeted the 3 balconies to the right with hair--including the one where all those little girls live.

Those are also the people that use a lot of garlic. Often. A whole lot of garlic.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I'm certainly a good five pounds lighter--less hair. We work out in the world tomorrow, so it won't matter if a heard of giggly girls plays under the balcony and then it's supposed to rain the next day.

that'll work.

See you guys later.

Cosmo

Peticure or Pet Annoy?

2009-06-10T18:43:00.004-04:00

J means well.

that's my new mantra--J really does mean well. She has good intentions.

No matter how you say it...it's the same.

She means well.

I, however, object to her methods.

Here's the thing. I know my nails get long. I know we have a wooden floor. Traction is not always readily available to me. And I am aware that I hate having my nails trimmed.

One bad experience with that and you'd hate it, too.

See, people can't always tell where the flesh part of a dog's nails meets the nail part. When they make an error, we bleed -- which usually hurts, as you can imagine. So I don't like folks grabbing my paws and feet, and especially coming at me with sharp implements.

Not only that, since J doesn't drive, getting places can be a chore.

Well, the kid had a great idea. Get a Peticure! she said. I didn't really know what that was, but it delayed the toenail torture, so I was okay with it.

J looked it up on the machine, went to Amazon and read the reviews. It's like a drill, she told me, with sandpaper on the end.

A drill? So, a rotary tool of sorts. Something that spins real fast with an abrasive material on the end made for dulling surfaces or stripping paint off of things or whatever.

And her plan was to apply that to my sensitive nails. Sand away the tips of my toes.

I say was because, yes, she did.

She determined that Dremel was the most recommended appliance by Amazon shoppers, paid whatever, and it came in the mail.

The good news is, it took her several days to get around to it. Other good news is she gave me many milk bones first to bribe me, then to repay me for my trauma.

Oh yeah, there was trauma. (Some of it HER trauma. Ask her how that Dremel felt against HER skin)

I'm sulking right now, because she says she intends to do it again in a few days.

Sulking is like pouting only more. Ask J. She's gonna be an expert in telling the difference, I promise you.

I have to go. My paws hurt.

Cosmo

Overworked, Underpaid

2009-06-09T14:50:00.004-04:00

That's what I am. I'm overworked and don't get enough kibble for it.

She took me to the mall on Sunday. Or I took her...

Anyway, she and the kid decided it was time for a haircut. Since a trip to the mall means a ride in a cab, I wasn't excited about it. I don't mind riding in some cars, but a a lot of cabs have leather seats. Leather seats mean sliding dog. I don't like it. I'm not into thrill rides of any kind.

So we went to the mall and laid--layed? We hung out in Starbucks for awhile. That's all fine for her. She drinks coffee, she gets a donut, it's all right for her. for me, I'm laying around on a stone floor listening to loud noises, inhaling more coffee fumes than any one dog should, and there's not the first crumb anywhere around.

After that, we went to the hair cut place--where it seems they got their floor advice from Starbucks. It didn't smell like coffee, but I'm not at all sure there weren't dead bodies in some sort of preservative liquid. That's what it smelled like. Dogs are sensitive to smell. You'd think J would keep that in mind.

Maybe I'm just being a whiner--after all, she only does this twice a year. The lady said she was cutting off four inches of hair. I go through a lot of hair, but that's more than I ever want to part with.

And by the way--she looks the same to me.

We got a better cab on the way home. it had soft, non slippy seats. That was better, but the grocery guy was there when we got home. He was really early and forgot the coupons. That put J in a grouchy mood. After that, she wouldn't even give me a milk bone.

Well, she did, but it took her long enough to get to it. And they're the small ones. I'm a big dog. Don't I deserve a big milk bone?

Then we get to work on Monday and the OT guy wants to know if J will take them across this big highway so he can see how blind people do that, so he can try to teach her student. With and without the dog, he says.

Asks.

Whatever. I'm not just THE DOG.

So then, J tells him she CAN do it, but she's not leaving me alone somewhere (or at home) just so he can see. She tells him we'll take the walk next week and in the meantime, they can get an O&M specialist if they want to do it without a dog present.

At first I was all fired up. Way to stand up for me J!

And then I realized--she's just volunteered me to slog across some huge highway, risking life and limb, just so the other guy can say he did it.

No, I don't get paid enough for this.

Nope.

See you later. I have to go pout now.

Cosmo

Staring

2009-05-25T16:05:00.002-04:00

Look at me! I'm finally back.

J's been hogging the computer. I mean really HOGGING it.

and then, twice, it wouldn't work. Well, really, once it wouldn't work but that turned out to be the battery. The other time it worked but it was the wires that didn't work. Internet, yeah. that's it. Not like i didn't hear that over and over when she was lamenting it. The Internet was out.

It's back on though. Obviously.

So J's been doing tons of things, writing, carrying on. I guess that's good.

It makes her happy and I like that. But she doesn't really eat as much then and even worse, she isn't as affected by my stare.

Sure, sometimes she is. I can convince her that she forgot to feed me or take me out if I stare long enough. But other times, she just doesn't notice.

Why is that?

I have a GREAT stare. I can get folks, sighted or blind, to stop what they're doing and pet me any time i want.

Maybe I just need to nap. When I get up, I'll stare some more.

So, now that i have a plan, I'll catch you later. Or soon. Whenever I can get back onto this machine.

Take care!

Cosmo

Whatever it takes...

2009-04-21T20:49:00.002-04:00

Well, J got a new toy.

Apparently, she got a very good deal on it. You wouldn’t believe how excited she was. I thought it was food at first, she was so happy.

The Irritant was all over it. That’s the other reason I thought it was food. You think I like food? She REALLY likes her kibble. J can’t even pick her up. In fact, she’s almost as big as me…Okay, maybe not, but she’s big.

Anyway, J’s pretty pleased.

Now she can write things three different ways. She can say stuff into her little recorder, which she will only do when nobody else is around. That’s kind of self-defeating because she generally has the computer then anyhow. That’s the second way she can write. She uses the computer. But she shares that with the kid. So, now she has a third way. It’s a little thing that just looks like you can type and that’s all. So she does. But it makes her happy and she’s typing a lot.

When she runs out of things to type, she goes back to working on the kid’s blanket.

As long as she’s happy, we’re all happy. And that blanket’s pretty big now. Too bad it’s not cold out anymore. Well, maybe tonight it will be.

Peace and happiness in our little world. That’s really all I care about. Oh, and peanutbutter bones. As a matter of fact, I think it’s about time for one.

Take care.

Cosmo

Writing Again

2009-04-07T12:41:00.003-04:00

Not me...J is.

Writing again, I mean.

I think that I'd get to write more if she stopped. But that's okay. She's happy to be writing. So it's good. A happy J gives me more snacks....unless she forgets. But mostly it's good.

Except now you guys think I'm lazy again, right?

Well, truthfully, I never stopped being lazy.

Something computer-like of J's broke, too. It was black, shiny, and it plugged in. She was really upset about the whole thing. The kid said she must have dropped it.

For future reference, don't ever ask her if she dropped it about stuff. Probably any stuff. She doesn't like that.

In the end, she said she thinks the cats did it. They might have.

J never even leaves the computer on the couch for more than a couple of minutes. She thinks the cats are going to get behind it and push it off.

I wouldn't put it past them.

The Irritant is just laying up there beside J, making some kind of cooing noise. Of course, that could be because she's overweight and just breathes like that. I don't know where The Menace is. You can bet he'll turn up, though.

They think they own the place. But neither one of THEM ever write.

It's probably a good thing. I don't really want to know what they're thinking.

Talk to you later.

Cosmo

Life

2009-03-28T14:10:00.002-04:00

I hurt myself.

It wasn't bad. Just a scrape.

The kid noticed. I don't like to whine, you know?

So, the kid noticed and started touching it, talking to J about it. (her fingers tickled, but I let it go)

J got all worked up about it, trying to figure out when it happened, how much it hurt, what to do about it...you know the drill.

The bottom line is, it's a scrape. it hurts sometimes--stings really--and there's not a single thing they can do about it. When did it happen? who cares? Well, J does, but she's like that. It's not like we can go back and undo it.

I'm not a puppy anymore. I wish I was. I sort of wish J was a puppy, too, but then she couldn't feed me. That would be a problem.

I've heard J say, to me and to someone on the phone, that if she could start over, there were definitely things she would do differently. Me, too.

I'd do a few things differently if I had the chance. I know you think I'm just a dog and don't have any choice. Well, there are people, cats, and other dogs I would certainly bite if I could. There are a couple of geese around here just begging for a good chase. And don't get me started about that sloth at Silver Springs. It taunted me any time we got near it.

I've heard that regrets are a part of life...yeah, maybe. Over all, I'm okay with how things have gone. If I had it all to do again, I'd for sure do it without the lingering ear infection that most Labs get. I've had a heck of a time shaking it.

Ahh, well, that's life.

I'm done with being philosophical now. J put a biscuit in my sterile bone. I have current issues to deal with now.

Talk to you later.

Cosmo

Hot Water

2009-03-23T17:19:00.002-04:00

Apparently hot water is pretty important. I don't use it.

It was so important, though, that someone rang the doorbell and let J know there wouldn't be any for awhile. She didn't even get mad, and it was still early on a stay at home day.

If it's a stay at home day, the kid gets the computer as long as she wants because J stays up all night and sleeps a lot the next day. Generally, if someone rings the bell on those mornings, J gets really growl-ly.

After she got done talking to the guy at the door, she came back upstairs and someone was on the phone. I'm pretty sure it was Jimmy.

It turns out that the guy who told J about the water spoke American. The guy who told Jimmy about the water spoke something else. I don't know what else he spoke, but it wasn't a language that Jimmy spoke.

I can appreciate water. The fact that there wasn't any for awhile yesterday was not good. the fact that there wasn't any water this morning was REALLY not good. There was enough water in a bottle for J and the kid to have coffee. Otherwise, very bad things would have happened.

J took a kind of a bath with club soda this morning. That was odd--there's just no other way to put it.

The water is back on now, and some of it is hot. I guess that means we're going to live happily ever after now.

Until the next thing happens.

Cosmo

Cookie Monster

2009-03-17T15:57:00.002-04:00

Well, the kid came in, saw the cookies, and got all excited.

Oh! You made cookies! Why'd you make cookies? What's in 'em? Hey, these are really good.

J started answering those questions she could...Yep, she made cookies. She made the cookies because she wanted cookies. (seems obvious to me, but hey, I'm just the dog, right?) They've got chocolate, those nuts that were on the microwave and the other nuts that were in the bread box, cake mix, eggs, oil, and...well, she's glad the kid likes 'em.

Then came the big question. J should've known it was coming. I'm not sure how many cookies the kid had before she asked:

So how many calories do you think are in each cookie?

A little known fact about J. She can't lie to a direct question. It's like a curse.

A hundred and ten she blurts out. Apparently, that information was in the recipe, because if she hadn't known, she'd have said that.

The kid started to choke. I guess she was in the middle of chewing. That never happens to dogs, just in case you've ever wondered.

You're kidding, right? Say you're kidding.

I think J saw herself having to eat all of those cookies by herself.

Um...you know I never make my cookies as big as they say you should. I bet they're half the size...

Long story short--the kid decided that the cookies were pretty small and that three was a serving size, and that eating the broccoli and tofu Teriyaki stuff J made made up for it enough that she could have more cookies.

I never had any doubt that she'd find a way to justify it. That kid would eat sawdust cookies if you sprinkled powdered sugar on 'em. She loves cookies. Any cookies. Can't resist. (of course, sawdust and rice cakes have a lot in common...)

I, however, have not been invited to try a cookie. Still. Don't give me that nonsense about chocolate and dogs. It's an excuse.

I think I'll take a nap. That way I don't have to watch them eating cookies.

Cosmo

Cake Cookies

2009-03-16T19:42:00.002-04:00

When it's just the two of us, we go long periods of time being quiet, just hanging out. But sometimes, J talks to me a lot. You probably figured she did.

I don't mind. Most of the time, she says things worth hearing. Things like, You want a bone? Feel like taking a walk with me? Is it time to feed you already?

The rest of the time, she rattles on about whatever, and I try to listen for the questions. If I can answer, I do. I help sometimes with her writing, but really, there isn't too much I can sort out for her. I let her talk things out, though. It seems to help.

When she loses something, I show her where it is. If she's not sure what to wear, I try to let her know if her first choice looks silly. Usually, the kid and I agree. (I don't know why, but she always asks that kid even after I give my opinion)

More often then not, she talks when she's cooking. I generally move into the kitchen then. I stay out if she's cleaning it, she needs the extra space. When she's cooking, she needs me closer at hand.

Today, after she worked, she made the Teriyaki stuff the kid likes with extra tofu and broccoli. She hates Teriyaki, so she dumped a lot of soy sauce on it. I just watched. If she hates it, I sure don't want any.

Later, after the kid left, J kept moving around in the kitchen, opening cabinet doors, looking in the freezer, pulling things out and putting them back. This is a sure sign that she wants more chocolate than she should have at one sitting.

Sure enough, she put a box on the counter and then went over to the machine, looking stuff up. Before you know it, she's dumping a cake mix into a giant bowl and carrying on about how she's going to make cookies out of cake mix.

She poured oil and broken eggs in there, and then found the chocolate chips that have been scrunched in the back of the freezer for months. I can't tell you where she found the nuts she chopped up, but it's probably a good thing they were being shoved in a hot oven for awhile before they got eaten. (not that I wouldn't have eaten them as they were, but people have weak constitutions)

I got a step by step of every stir of the spoon while she worked.

She rolled the squishy stuff into greasy balls and rolled 'em around in white powdery stuff, stuck 'em in the oven, then set the alarm on her phone. Before you know it, she's waving her cake cookies around, asking me if I think they look good.

What am I going to say? I'm a dog. Garbage looks good.

Did she share these mouth watering creations with me?

No, she did not.

After she ate about three of 'em, and burne herself twice, she noticed I was sitting in the middle of the kitchen staring at her. It took her awhile, but I'm good at staring.

Finally, she finished her cookies (both making and eating) And I got a big bone filled with peanutbutter and little milkbones. She is now drinking a glass of wine and unwinding from the day.

All's well that ends well.

Cosmo

Friday the 13th

2009-03-13T17:28:00.002-04:00

Nobody mentioned it. Go figure.

Usually people go on and on about the date, but not today. Today, our tutoring guy was fixed on St. Patrick's Day. Since it's the weekend and the day in question is a weekday, it should be honored early. He said it was important because everyone should celebrate Saint Patty's Day by drinking a lot and calling him (the blind guy) for a ride home.

Hey, whatever amuses him, right? He's a pretty nice guy. He deserves a free chuckle.

I think one guy at the neuro place was having a bad day. A lady kept yelling at him. That's bad news as far as I'm concerned. She ripped a mole off of my head the first day I met her. Everyone else may think she's nice, but I steer clear of her. She is truly Friday the 13th material in my book.

When we got home, J spoke to her other tutoring guy. He was a nervous wreck, thinking about doctors and lawyers and such. It doesn't get much scarier than that, does it?

Unless you're out of peanutbutter and kibble...now that's really a bad day.

They should make the first time-changing day be on Friday the 13th. Everyone's always in a bad mood that day. I'm still not used to the new time.

Is J supposed to feed me earlier or later than she used to?

Every other year she's started ahead of time, feeding me a little earlier every day accordingly, until the clocks changed. Then we'd be ready for it and it wouldn't upset my schedule.

This year, it took her by surprise. She said it happened on the wrong day or weekend or something.

Whatever.

It's time to feed me now.

Right now.

I hope you guys have had a decent day.

Cosmo

More About Daniel

2009-03-09T19:31:00.003-04:00

I know I've mentioned Daniel The Voice before. He's J's computer voice that reads us stories J wants to hear or things she types --her books and all.

I never thought too much about it--he just sounds better than the other ones she sometimes uses. There's Glen who's on there before she pushes the buttons that wake Daniel up. Glen's okay. He sounds a little like Daniel only slow-witted and kind of fake. Like a machine voice.

Daniel doesn't sound like a machine. That's really all I ever cared about. He doesn't offend my sensitive doggy ears. He wins my favorite voice contest.

Yesterday, J asked the kid to listen to some instructions she was typing, to see if they were easy enough to follow.

The kid cracked up. I thought J was going to get all offended. Finally, the kid told her that Daniel sounded like a smooth-talker--like someone who might try to romance her or something and convince her of things.

I've got to say, I don't hear it. I mean, it's just Daniel. Sure, he sounds educated, but he's just a voice.

Well, it gets better.

J had to fix up these directions for the guy she's teaching and Bob, the OT guy, thought a digital voice recorder was the way to go. So J kept trying to record the directions and play them back to see if she could follow them. The thing was, she couldn't stand her own voice.

I can't believe I sound that whiny, she whined. Since she doesn't speak dog, I just stared at her, thinking she should let Daniel do it. It's not like he didn't have to read it first so she could hear it, right?

I know she can't see, but I figured if I stared long enough and hard enough, the idea would sink in. And guess what? It did.

So, she recorded Daniel while he read the instructions to her. She had to go back and put in commas and changed spellings so he'd say exactly what she wanted in exactly the right way. See, Daniel is kind of literal. It's his job.

Anyhow, she took the recorder to work and played it for the guy. He's a lot like me. Daniel spoke clearly and said what he needed to say, so everything was fine. We ended up taking it home, because...I don't know. We just did.

So, in the course of other work she was doing, she let some ladies hear the instructions, spoken by Daniel.

Yep. They liked it. They went on and on about how sexy he sounded.

Smooth. Elegant. Refined...

A voice. He's just a voice.

Whatever.

He entertains me. He doesn't eat my food.

I can live with it.

Cosmo

Scents or Smells?

2009-03-07T12:52:00.001-05:00

J's got the door open and it smells great out...for now.

Earlier, the neighbor who loves garlic was burning bacon. I suspect they were just preparing us for later. That's why we close the kitchen window sometimes.

In a little while, J will turn on--light--her candle. The candle she has now is supposed to smell like Creame Brulee...I have no idea what it is. Based on the smell, it's something sweet.

People talk about dogs having good noses and all, but people are really fixed on smells. Yesterday, J was threatening the guy she works with. She told him that if he kept doing whatever it was, she would quit bringing the bubble gum she gets for him and start giving him one that smells bad like strawberry or watermelon. Having smelled those before, I can tell you that the gum does not smell like the fruit it's named after.

I was thinking about all that, though--hey, what else do you think I do lying around on the floor all day? See, when J and the kid got their candles, they got some little melty things that are supposed to smell like some specific thing when you melt it. The kid got banana nut bread to melt and J got grandpa's pipe.

This is me rolling my eyes. Can you believe her? She hates the smell of cigarettes inside, but wants pipe smell... People just aren't right.

The kid melted one of her banana nut bread chips while we were gone yesterday. When we got home, J kept saying it didn't smell like banana nut bread at all. I agree. I think it smelled like the hazlenut coffee candle they had last month. But nobody asks the dog.

Either way, it doesn't bother me, just gives me something else to think about... It's not like I'm going to solve the world economy puzzle laying down here.

Anyway, it keeps the cats guessing. When they're trying to figure out what that smell is, they're leaving me alone. I like it that way.

Cosmo

Rude Awakening

2009-03-03T16:33:00.002-05:00

So it snowed.

A lot.

Yo u might know that already. But you don't know it like I do, I guarantee.

Everyone assumes that I love the snow. I don't.

I don't hate it...depending on how deep it is.

Folks see me, or other Labs bounding through the snow and carry on about how much fun we're having and all that. I'll grant you, it can be fun. It just depends on how deep it is.

See, like most mammals, when i wake up, I generally have to urinate. Unlike J, I have to go outside to do that.

I stand about three feet tall, give or take a few inches. At least a foot and a half of that is body. The other foot and a half is legs. So when I releive myself in twelve inches of snow, parts of me are doused fluffy ice.

Talk about a wake up call. You shove your unprotected personal areas into the snow and then tell me you don't feel like jumping around.

I won't believe you, of course.

I just had to get that off my chest.

Thank you for listening.

Cosmo

Lost

2009-02-28T13:40:00.002-05:00

The bone was lost.

I only got to chew on it one time for a little while and then...lost.

I was pretty upset. J was, too.

She pulled the couch and the little couch all around the room, swept under them...it was something else. There was all kinds of kibble, a square with dots on it, lots of plastic things from the milk. (the cats steal them and chase them all over. Maniacs) She found a few sparkly red and green things from the Christmas tree. There were several of the things she and the kid put in their hair--to hold it back. Oh, and one fur covered fake mouse that rattled when she threw it.

No bone.

I'll put peanutbutter in your Kong and we'll listen to Daniel, she says. Okay, why not. I'm upset and bored. I like Daniel better than her other computer machine voices.

So...she goes into the kitchen and starts rattling around. When she yelled, Oh, man! I am such an idiot! I knew she found it.

Apparently, she put it on the little table in the kitchen so she would remember to put peanutbutter in it later. Except she's blind and she almost never touches anything on the little table. So that was a stupid idea.

Ahhh, well. I guess it is later. And she put rice cake and peanutbutter in my bone...she was having one. So, I'll forgive her. She had a hard week last week. It wasn't bad, there was just a lot of it, and she's not as young as she used to be.

So, like I said, I'll let it go.

The floor in the living room is clean. The fur monsters are busy. I've got my bone and she's got a cup of her favorite coffee. We're gonna kick back and listen to Daniel.

Take care.

Cosmo

Dog Day!

2009-02-25T18:16:00.003-05:00

It came! My bones finally showed up.

Yeah, I'm happy.

And tired. It takes a lot of energy to make your way through a five inch knuckle, never mind the peanutbutter.

It's now two and a half inches of bone and a few bits of bone shavings. I was going to clean up the mess, but hey, J's got a rug cleaner.

She complained about the bone chips I left behind. Naturally, I ignored her. If she didn't want me to make a mess, she shouldn't have given me the bone.

It's not like I could have opened the package myself. (thumbs...yeah) The kid opened the box and that wasn't an easy thing. I was afraid she'd go for my blueberry dog biscuits. She was reading that box pretty closely. She finally gave it up.

I had to get a little testy with the Menace. Idiot feline. No sense of decorum. He tried to pull my bone away. What was he going to do with it? Nothing, that's what. At least the Irritant kept her distance.

Both J and the kid were carrying on about how they didn't know a dog could actually eat bone. What did they think happened to it? Every now and then, she buys me a bone that starts out to be six or seven inches long. When it gets to be three inches or so and all lopsided, she starts trying to get me another one.

For a writer, she doesn't pay enough attention, does she?

Obviously, she needs me to remind her about the important stuff. Besides, she's got the back-up bone still wrapped up in the kitchen. I guess I'll keep her around so she can give it to me--and put peanutbutter in it.

Oh yeah--those cats are enjoying what they got in the mail, too. A nice big box and lots of packing paper.

something for everyone...

Cosmo

Talk about Entertainment...

2009-02-22T16:21:00.006-05:00

Generally speaking, J is not a morning person.

She stumbles over and puts food in my bowl around 6 or 7 in the morning--5 if she hasn't gone to bed yet. She keeps irregular hours. (her words, I'm just repeating 'em)

It's because of this, in fact, that she started dropping a bit of kibble on the floor next to the dog food cabinet when she feeds me. She says it's so I get a little extra, but we all know the truth: She's a mess in the mornings and not much better at noon when she gets up for real and feeds me lunch.

I can't possibly be the only animal in the house who has noticed this or figured it out.

You'd think...

This morning the girl cat--I call her Irritant--decided she wanted something. Could've been water, might've been attention. Who knows? She went to the hallway and started yowling. You'd think the kid would have heard her...

J hadn't been asleep for more than an hour, if that. When she finally figured out what the noise was, she called out, "Shut! Up!" in a mean voice.

Yeah, that's gonna work.

The cat was quiet just long enough for J to settle down again. Soon as she rolled over, the cat started carrying on. She yelled again, but of course, nothing happened.

J decided to go after her with the spray bottle. The little beast ran for the kitchen. I have no idea why.

J must've thought the creature wanted fresh water. You know how picky cats can be. The cat was quiet while J dumped the water in the sink, washed the bowl, and then filled it up again. She was just tired enough to be desperate, I think.

As soon as she put the bowl down, the stupid cat started up again.

I say stupid because there was no other word for it. Irritant was standing right in front of J and has lived with the woman for 3 years. She should've known better. They say cats are smart...

J turned the sink back on and grabbed a measuring cup that was on the counter. As soon as the cat started up again, J ran that cup under the water and then dumped it right on the Irritant's upturned little fuzzy face.

The cat was so shocked it didn't even move for five or ten seconds. Suddenly, the thing let out a choking, screeching kind of sound and jumped straight up and then shot out of the room.

It was hysterical. Even the other cat was laughing.

Eventually, J started feeling guilty. She got a couple of paper towels and called the idiotic animal. It came, can you believe it? Squelching and dripping all the way.

I laughed myself silly. The male cat and I (I call him Menace) have been in perfect accord all day--cracking up whenever we look at each other. We haven't heard much from the Irritant today. Oddly enough, it's staying away from the kitchen.

Cosmo

My Turn

2009-02-21T14:03:00.005-05:00

J does all the shopping on the machine here. She'd starve if it wasn't for the invention of the computer. We'd all starve. (cats get stuck in my teeth--and those claws really sting going down)

When she orders groceries, she gets me dog food. I like it. No complaints.

But I'd like more. Who wouldn't?

Well, it was my turn on the machine today. I got the card.

Yep. Petco.

I dithered a bit. Looked at Petsmart and a few other sites--you can't live with an author and not know about how to Google. Besides, that's what we're working on in our "classes" right now.

I say we. You've got to know I try to sleep through that stuff, but both guys J works with are trying to find out how to find stuff online. It's not like I can avoid learning how. ...Especially when they repeat it over and over.

Even without thumbs, if you want to find something on the machine, I'm your dog.

Let's not talk about the no-thumbs thing, though. That just gets me all bitter.

So, back to the good stuff. I ordered an extra large peanut filled knuckle. Anything with a five inch knuckle has got to be extra large...I don't want to meet whatever type of creature that is. I also got a 5 or 6 inch plain bone--so J can put stuff in it. I like my own peanutbutter, you understand. I also got some baked blueberry and almond yogurt treats. What can I say? the kid's health kick got to me, too. Don't worry--the little monsters got some catnip. Like they need an excuse to carry on and annoy me.

I'll let you know when it gets here.

For now, I think I'll go and have a nap. Shopping online is more tiring than I thought. And J doesn't share her coffee.

Cosmo

Hair Issues

2009-02-19T19:59:00.003-05:00

I know we've covered the part where J can't see. It's inconvenient but it keeps me employed. So we deal with it.

The thing is, she worries about how she looks.

I understand her worrying about being pudgy. She doesn't have fur like I do, so she needs clothes. The clothes she has cover her fine. If she gets bigger, they won't. That could be a problem.

Frizzy hair, however, I do not understand.

I may have frizzy hair. I don't know. Either way, my hair does what it needs to do, so I don't care. Well, I shed. You know that. Sometimes it itches or I get hot...most of the time, it's not my problem. If I leave hair on your couch...well...you know I'm a dog. I shed. End of discussion.

Apparently, frizzy hair is much worse than shedding. In fact, J irons her hair.

...

Yeah.

She takes something really hot and drags it through her hair until it's all straight. Or at least until she thinks it's all straight. I can't get over that.

At first, I thought she was going to drag out that huge metal thing that scares the cats. She does that when she irons her pants. But no, there seems to be a special thing to use for ironing hair. It's small and the cats leave it alone.

She doesn't really look any different to me whatever happens to her hair. (I guess if she messed it up a lot, I might noticce) She smells pretty much the same. She still feeds me.

But still. She irons her hair.

I'm so glad I'm a dog. Being a person is far too complicated.

Cosmo

Exercise?

2009-02-17T19:32:00.006-05:00

I told you J thinks she's getting pudgy, right?

And the kid's worried about eating healthy. She works where they sell lots of pound cake apparently. I imagine she sees a lot of wide people. Wide, jittery people. There's lots of strong coffee there.

She (the kid) brings home some of this pound cake sometimes. Maybe that's why J thinks she's putting on the size.

Anyway, J and the kid talked about all kinds of exercise machines and such. Looked, planned, read reviews out loud. I'm very well informed about all that now.

Finally, though, J decided that the only thing they could really afford to buy was some kind of big rubber band (that's what she called it) The kid knew someone who was using one and they both decided that wasn't for them.

So ended up saying she could do sit-ups for free.

This is where my fun comes in.

Sure, she can do sit ups for free. It's up to me and the cats to make her pay for it. *snicker*

About the time she goes down for the third or fourth time, I like to stand over her and lick her face. The high pitched squeal always attracts those cats. They can be useful. Before you know it, we have a free for all.

It's what I consider my contribution to her physical health. It starts out low impact and ends up being a brisk cardiovascular work out. Very healthy.

A helpful dog is much less expensive than an elliptical trainer.

Told you I was paying attention.

Cosmo

The Elephant

2009-02-15T13:49:00.003-05:00

J ordered an elephant. The kid thought it would be "cool"--or something like that. The cats didn't care. Neither did I, really.

At first.

Later J said the idea was for my leash to sit on the elephant in between walks. (she did confess that it was meant to be a plant stand) Still, it's my leash and I care about it. Hey, without it, I'm stuck inside.

She even went so far as to remove her shoes, my harness, and all the stuff that had collected downstairs by the door.

And then we waited.

When it finally came, the box was really big. It had to be to hold all the white, squishy things. (those are not peanuts--I don't care what anyone says)

Long story short: The cat tried to sit on the elephant and fell off. When J put it downstairs, it was too small for my leash and the kid brought it back up. She says she didn't see it--it's too small.

J thinks we need another elephant. The kid tells her to check the measurements--on everything. I thought elephants were big.

Guess not.

Cosmo

A Whole New World

2009-02-10T17:50:00.002-05:00

Well.

We went to the Neurology Center yesterday. We met the new student and a whole bunch of other people.

Of course everyone loved me.

I'm fuzzy, friendly, I don't growl or bark...what's not to love?

I left plenty of hair behind. I'm a lab. We shed. It's not my fault.

I pretty much slept through the part where J was doing her thing. I heard words like "Eye Tee" and "memory" and "Geek Squad". That was followed by a long time on the phone and then some time hanging out and talking to more new people.

That translates into something didn't work right. I'm beginning to think that's an important part of computers.

Anyhow, we're not sure we're going back Friday because things have to be fixed.

Today, we went over to Jimmy's and let the cable guy in. That meant I got to eat Jimmy's peanuts while we waited. I'm good with that.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Cosmo

Out Loud

2009-02-08T15:24:00.003-05:00

A lot of you know that J doesn't see. Okay, once in a now and then, she gets some input, but not enough to make a real difference. She uses a voice on her computer.

sometimes it's some snooty sounding woman. She calls that Narrator. Not as good, really. And annoying. She stutters.

and then there's Daniel. Daniel is her JAWS reader and he's British. Lately, when J reads stuff, she's been taking out the head phone thing and letting me hear it.

It's nice to be included. Being a guide dog to someone who doesn't go anywhere most of the time can be pretty boring. (except for the peanutbutter)

starting next week, we get another student and will be going to some kind of Neuro place. (I'll let you guys know more about it after we get back. I do know she's going to be wearing dresses. Should be good for a snicker. The weather is all over the place. --Pretty windy around here)

For tonight, I guess I'll kick back and see what Daniel's got to read.

Cosmo

Clean Snow

2009-02-02T18:40:00.003-05:00

Clean and snow go together here.

Sorta.

J cleans when it's supposed to snow. In a way.

She's a terrible house cleaner. She knows it. I know it. The kid knows it. Even the cats know it. She doesn't try to deny it. Nobody complains.

After all, she pays the bills, right?

But when it's supposed to snow--sometimes, she gets all crazy and cleans. I could care less, of course. I want my walk, my food, my peanutbutter--all of which are sometimes impacted by both the cleaning and the snow. We must all make concessions, I'm told.

I'm not sure if I believe that, although it's not like I have much choice. I'm the dog, after all. So, I get up when she comes my way with the floor cleaner.

It's my contribution. Oh, and I try not to get peanutbutter on the rug.

Hey, I give when I can.

So the groundhog apparently saw it's shadow, by the way. Too bad I didn't see him. I was hungry.

Cosmo

The Doctor

2009-01-31T14:18:00.002-05:00

I said something yesterday about going to see the doctor. He's a nice guy. He's the only doctor we see most times and I like him a lot more than my vet.

Well, I did like him more than the vet. 'Til he started poking and prodding me.

This guy is something else. He calls J by a different name. He's really casual, and he says everything that goes on in our life impacts our health (mostly hers) and he wants to know about it. He sounds nosey, I know, but he tells us stuff, too. He talks about when he met his wife, his favorite wine, friends he wants to fix her up with, all kinds of stuff. So he's a nice guy--in general.

And then he started poking and prodding me.

I'm a Yellow Lab. We're prone to fat tumors. That's what the vet said. Then he said that the one on my side was nothing to worry about unless it got bigger. Later he said it was too big to do anything about. *sigh* That's why J's doctor was poking me.

He likes me. He tells me that every time I come in there. He's got some cats that he calls pussies and says he'll bring 'em in so I can chase 'em around for the entertainment value. He hasn't yet, but a dog can dream.

Because he likes me, he was upset about the huge, cat-sized lump on my side. J's been pretty upset about it. I don't love it, myself. It's heavy and it gets in the way.

Ultimately, he couldn't do any more than J could. (which is grumble about the Vet and fret about what it may or may not be doing to me)

Long story short, nothing changed and we go back in June or July. We could've done all this over the phone. Oh, well. It would've been worse if he had done something, right? and I got a treat out of the deal.

All's well that ends well, right?

Cosmo

Word of the Day

2009-01-30T13:23:00.003-05:00

Bemoan. Regret and complain. Bemoan.

J (and Daniel--the voice) read it to me off of Google. That's where she gets most of her news. Unfortunately, the word of the day is on the top left of the page, so her screen reader usually spits it out before she starts tabbing around. By the time she gets to her email, she almost never goes past "oddly enough" to get to the real news. People always give her a hard time about that.

Back to Bemoan. I expect that's something I'll be doing a lot of today. We're going out. To do that, we'll take a cab. That works better for us because when folks say they'll give us a ride, they ALWAYS change their mind when it's time for a real trip. That's why we won't be seeing Aim and Paige. We're both Bemoaning that a lot. Anyhow, cabs are usually dirty, with gum on the floor and so, while they're convenient, they're icky and expensive.

I think I have this Bemoan thing down to a science.

I'll be back soon to Bemoan some more. I kinda like it.

Cosmo

Rice Cakes

2009-01-28T15:04:00.002-05:00

As you know, I'm a dog.

Dogs, as a rule, will eat almost anything.

Almost.

Personally, I don't like rice cakes. I realize that that statement implies that I've been offered and have tried to eat a rice cake at some point. Which I have. *shudder*

Rice cakes would be okay if they were made of cooked rice, with egg or kibble or something with flavor mixed in. J eats them toasted with lowfat peanutbutter, honey, and wheat germ. I think she should just get a spoon, mix the honey with the peanutbutter, and have at it.

But I'm a dog. I don't need the spoon...or the honey. I'm not wild about the low fat part of the peanutbutter. I'll eat it anyway, though. In fact, she just shoved the last bite of her rice cake into my sterile bone. I don't think this counts as giving me scraps because I'm in no way tempted to scour the ground for rice cakes. I'll eat it, though, since it's covered in peanutbutter.

Gotta try to enjoy the little things. Even if they're sitting on a rice cake. *sigh*

Cosmo

Lowfat Peanutbutter

2009-01-26T14:44:00.002-05:00

Is a bad idea.

That's not to say I won't eat it. I'm a dog, after all.

Still, I like fat in my peanutbutter. (as a dog, I don't care if it's one word or two)

I'm not sure which of the two people I live with is on a health kick. I think it's the kid, but J's started eating more fruit--not something she usually likes--and slightly less cheese.

Since cheese is her all-time favorite thing, especially melted on those crappy cardboard crackers, I've noticed that she's eating a little less. She says she's feeling pudgy.

Dogs don't have that problem.

Male or female, we don't care what we weigh. We just want more food. We know there will be a time when we won't get as much as last time. I've known female dogs with female owners who get all tore down about what they weigh and if she hears anyone say she's too big...

(Aim, that's you)

Anyway, I'll eat the lowfat peanutbutter, but I can't wait until she's over this. I don't care if it's Skippy super-chunk (they had a coupon) or store brand. Just give me my fat back. IT tastes better.

Cosmo

Indignity

2009-01-25T12:41:00.002-05:00

Indignity. You might think that's too big a word for a dog. But I'm an educated dog.

I learned indignity at four and a half months old--neutered early.

These days, J's cats cause me the most trouble. (She calls them mine. Yeah)

Yesterday, That nut-job feline had a toy--I think it was a piece of rabbit hair glued to a tiny maraca of some kind. It doesn't take much for that animal to act insane. Anyway, he was jumping after it like it was a live mouse dusted with cat nip. By the way, this is not a small cat. He's not as big as the other one, but he's easily eleven pounds. So when his claw caught me on the way down from a wild leap, his momentum made it noteworthy.

Of course I made my feelings known. I don't usually bark or growl, so when I do, I make it count. The cat hid out for the rest of the day. Today, however, he's trying to make up. That's where the indignity comes in. The fuzzy little monster won't leave me alone, licking, purring, snuggling. *shudder* I may have to actually bite him before this is all over.

J thinks it's just so funny. See if I don't walk her into a potted plant the next time we go to the mall.

Cosmo

A Dog's Life

2009-01-12T18:15:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I know...It's been awhile.

I'm not lazy.

Okay, I am. but really, it's J's fault. Well, and the kid's fault, too.

The way they fight over the computer, it's next to impossible for the dog to get on.

Anyone else would call it excessive compromise, but these people are so annoying. One of 'em will say, "Do you want the computer?" and then the other one will go, "Not if you're gonna be on it."

Then you hear, "Look, I don't mind. How long do you need it?" and "No, I can tell you don't really have anything else. It's just that I wanted to..." and on it goes. They're passive aggressive-ing me into insanity. Is it any wonder these people don't go out to eat? Who'd decide where to go?

Sometimes I wish one of 'em would slug the other. But then I'd have to get up and growl or something.

Well.

That feels better.

I'll be back.

Cosmo

Peanut Butter Days

2008-02-06T13:18:00.000-05:00

Hi!

J's in the kitchen stuffing peanut butter into my sterile bone, so I took advantage of the machine to write to you. I get more peanut butter on days she doesn't feel good, so I've been rolling in it lately.

She got some kind of flu she says. She's been huddled in her quilt on the couch, half the time throwing it off and the other half shivering. It's pretty pathetic. But she feels guilty about me when she's sick--gotta be some kind of mental disconnect--but hey, I'll take what I can get.

That seems to be Peanut Butter. At least it's crunchy.

She and the kid put the Christmas Tree up on the day of Christmas, so they decided to leave it up until she felt better--twinkly lights and peanut butter for me, a long drawn out job for her, hopefully soon.

Don't worry, I'm not getting fat. But I DO have peanut butter breath.

Trust me, there are worse things.

Cosmo

And I'm back

2008-01-16T20:33:00.000-05:00

I've been off doing stuff...

Okay, the truth is: I was mad.

J took my web journal thing and used it for advertising. I didn't like it. I'm a dog. I don't advertise.

And I'm a little lazy, I'll admit it.

Lately, my chief source of entertainment is watching 2 mindless cats chase thier inner kitten around the room trying to knock over the Christmas tree. J and the kid didn't even put the thing up until the day before Christmas. They say they're going to keep it up for a month. At least it's not shedding or anything.

The cat is snoring and it's going to cut into my nap. This is one big cat and she sounds like a whole balcony full of pigeons. Try sleeping through that. I need to get J to type more--that drowns it out. Of course, her whining about not being able to focus is louder than the cat's snores, too. I prefer the typing.

Somebody just hand me my bone....

Cosmo

Okay, The Scavenger Hunt

2007-07-31T20:39:00.001-04:00

As a dog, my entire life is a scavenger hunt...

Okay, maybe that's not funny.

Well, here's J's scavenger hunt--Her question is --Who is the main guy in J.J.'s life--who looks after her? A full answer now, no cheating! *grin*

Hope you guys have fun!

Summer Fantasy Scavenger Hunt
Come join the authors of the Summer Fantasies Anthology
for a
Fun in the Summer time Sun Scavenger Hunt.
CJ England, Trista Bane, Cassidy McKay, J.J. Massa, Denyse Bridger, Becca Furrow, and Melissa Glisan invite you to come join the fun and go on our SCAVENGER HUNT!!!
Visit each of our websites and look for a special icon pictured below...

But you found J.J.'s if you're here. Just click on it and go find her answer!

CJ England

Trista Bane

Cassidy McKay

J.J. Massa

Becca Furrow

Melissa Glisan

Once you've found each of them, follow these simple directions.
1. With each icon is a question either about the author, or the story in the anthology, plus a clue to where the answers are. Find the answers to each of the questions.

2. To be entered, send an email to womanofthewind1@yahoo.com with the words Scavenger Hunt in the subject line. In the body of the email, please make sure you include the following...
a: The URL where you found the icon and question
b. The answer to the question

The contest will begin on August 1st and run until August 30th. Winning entries will be chosen in two parts.

Prizes
The Grand prize will be drawn on August 15th during the Twilight Fantasies Release Chat. (Held at http://www.cassidymckay.com/chat.html at 9:00est.) The winner will receive a free download of the Summer Fantasies Anthology, plus an envelope of promotional goodies from all the authors. (You do not have to be at the chat to win, but, of course, we'd love to have you!) The winner will have 14 days to claim their prize, or a new winner will be drawn.
Seven runner up winners will be drawn on August 31st. They will receive one of the following prizes.

1. From CJ England - Fireworks Jewelry
2. From Trista Bane - Sterling Silver Magic Genie Lamp
3. From Cassidy McKay - Summer Candle Set
4. J.J. Massa - Fun in the Sun Beach Souvenirs
5. Becca Furrow - A set of blank fantasy note cards by artist, Josephine Wall
6. From Melissa Glisan - A summer tote bag with some watermelon surprises

Prizes will be handed out randomly to the first seven entries drawn. Winners will have 14 days to claim their prize or a new winner will be drawn.
All winners will be announced on each of the authors websites, and, or blogs as well as the Twilight Fantasies Chat Loop.

Questions: Please contact CJ at womanofthewind1@yahoo.com
And while you are on the Scavenger Hunt, enjoy looking around each of these fine authors websites and don't forget to leave a note in our guestbooks.
Good luck to all who enter, and I invite you to...
Come Share Our Fantasies

CJ England - http://cjengland.com/contests/
Trista Bane -http://www.trista-bane.com/Summer%20Fantasies%20Anthology.html
Cassidy McKay -http://www.cassidymckay.com/updates.html
J.J. Massa - You've already been to this one. http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A11U9NIKA57TU8

Becca Furrow -http://beccafurrow.tripod.com/id24.html
Melissa Glisan - http://www.melissaglisan.20m.com/chat.html

um under construction

2007-07-31T12:16:00.000-04:00

I'm Being USED

2007-07-30T22:30:00.000-04:00

Actually, this journal is being used. But I don't mind. I told J that if she had to put a picture here for her scavenger hunt, I would be on board with the whole thing...even though I'm not in the book.

So, click on this picture to find the answer to the scavenger hunt question. You got the question, right?

Who’s the main man in J.J. Massa’s life?

Click there!

Feels like...

2007-07-26T19:03:00.000-04:00

J and I live in New Jersey. We've lived in other places, but for the last five years we've lived in New Jersey.

Today, it wasn't hot. Really, it wasn't all that warm at all. Not outside anyway. Inside, it got pretty toasty. It just doesn't make sense. Outside, the wind was blowing and some people had little jackets on. Inside, J and the kid were wearing shorts and had the fan and the air conditioner going.

The kid asked J to read the weather forecast for tonight and tomorrow from her machine.

J said, okay, it's going to be 67 but it'll feel like 70. Oh, and it's going to rain at 7 o'clock. Tomorrow it's going to be 78 but it'll feel like 86.

If i'd had a rounded palate, I'd have said... well, never mind what I would have said. Rest assured, it would have expressed my surprise and disbelief.

How does the machine know it's going to be 78 but feel like 86? And by the way, it's got to be 7o'clock right now, or sometime near it, because I had supper a while ago. And is it raining? No!

I'll stick with my own weather. It feels nice on the cool wood floor. When it gets dark out, I like to lay on the loveseat. Before that, I like the couch so I can look out the window.

Anyhow, right now, it feels like I need to go out. So I'll catch ya later.

I don't snore

2007-07-22T22:19:00.000-04:00

I’ve been with J for almost seven years now. We’ve had our ups and downs, no question about it.

Right now, we’re not having any ups or downs. We’re having a limbo period. That’s okay, though, we really needed a break. We’ve been taking one, too. We go to bed whenever we want, get up whenever we absolutely can’t sleep anymore…It doesn’t suck. According to J, it doesn’t pay very well, but hey, you can’t have everything, can you?

That’s the thing about not snoring.

I’m blond, I’m muscular, I love J with every beat of my heart. I’m the only guy that sleeps in her bed, I have a full time job and I don’t care about other women. I hardly ever drink and I don’t talk back.

Of course, I don’t earn a paycheck and I don’t have thumbs.

But…I don’t snore.

Cosmo

weather

2007-06-05T21:23:00.000-04:00

It was raining yesterday, but we went to the bank anyway. After that, we went to the Java Joint.

I gotta tell you--I love pretty young women. Why wouldn't I? They really seem to love me. They hug me, kiss me, pet me, beg J to give me another treat. I love it.

First thing yesterday morning, it was raining a lot. That doesn't really bother me, but J is not fond of it. Rain means getting a good walk is going to be a tug of war. When we got inside again, I got a really good all over body massage.

So after our visit at the Java Joint, it really started to rain. I love the rain. The geese came out, the cats ran and hid. It was perfect. I laid by the balcony door and napped for 3 hours.

On the down side, J's hair exploded.

Okay, it just got really big. It's all right, they make chemicals for that. Trust me, she found 'em.

Talk to you later.

Cosmo

A promising start

2007-06-01T11:09:00.000-04:00

When we stumbled out of the house this morning, I knew I'd have to work J carefully to get a good walk out of her. She was not very awake at all.

Everything was pretty much in my favor, though. Before we hit the end of the sidewalk, she was mumbling.

"They had to have a good reason to slit his throat..."

I didn't know there was such a thing. I may be a dog, but even I know that's rude.

I looked back at her, but her face told me she was somewhere else completely. So...when we got to the top of the hill, I took her across the street. There's no traffic on that street at six in the morning--I wasn't worried. When she felt pavement under her shoe, she snapped out of it a little and I thought she was gonna make us go back, but she shrugged and we went on.

"It had to be love or money...No! Power--that covers everything... Power, sex, and dirty deals, yeah."

Good, she was gone again. I got a good sniff in the leaves, though I didn't root for truffles. J always notices that.

I stretched it out some. I didn't do my "business" in the ivy at the corner of the fence. Instead, we headed back toward the road and I stopped at a bunch of little bushy trees.

"We need to get you some Frontline this week."

Yeah, she was back. I wasn't a bit surprised when she refused to walk in the trees after we crossed the street again. It was fun while it lasted.

We'll go out later today. The last few afternoons, I've gotten J to walk just a little further. Hey, I'm keeping an eye on her. No matter which way we go, I make sure it's straight--no turns. She can't get lost. Neither can I.

You can't blame a guy for trying to get a little extra when he can. You'd do it, too.

After I finish this, I'm gonna stare at her until she puts more peanut butter in my bone. Sometimes it takes longer, but usually it works.

Don't worry about J. I'm pretty sure she knows it's not nice to slit someone's throat. Although, if yesterday is anything to go by, don't take my word for it.

Cosmo

Scented or Un?

2007-05-28T18:45:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder what J thinks when we're out walking or just all the time. She's so different from me. Maybe I wonder what she feels--it's hard to explain the difference between dog understanding and people understanding.

She says things, tells me things. I hear what she says and understand a lot of it. It's the whys and why nots I don't get. It's the smells, sounds, feelings I guess. Well, I do get most of the feelings...

Dogs go by how things smell a lot. We can tell if someone is or was sick, we can tell if they're afraid, happy, upset, in love, all by how they smell. J pays attention to things but she can't smell like I can. She can't hear as well either. And, of course, she can't see.

I worry about some of that. A lot of times it's no big deal. Then, we'll be out for a busy-busy walk (potty break) and I'll know she's not smelling what I'm smelling or hearing what I'm hearing. I used to just go completely dog when we went out for that kind of walk in our own area. Then one day, while I wasn't paying attention, J got all turned around and got upset--this was a long time ago before we moved. Still, it took her days to get over that.

Now, I stay close, even when I'm sniffing--close enough to touch her if it's just us--it's almost always just us. I feel sad sometimes that she's missing out on so much around her. --And then, she'll catch me trying to scarf a chicken bone and make me drop it. I guess she gets by okay.

There was a lot of charcoal fluid in the air during our afternoon walk. Must be a holiday. You guys have a really good celebration.

I'll catch you next time.

Cosmo

I'm a ham

2007-05-27T10:25:00.001-04:00

I'm a ham, I admit it. Of course I am--how many dogs do you know that have Web Logs? Well, yeah, there are a few, but still...

Going to the store is a testament to my hamminess. It's a love/hate thing.

I love hearing, "What a pretty dog! Look, he's helping that lady." I hate hearing, "Look! A DOOOOGGGG! I'm gonna pet him!"

A lot of times, people ask to pet me while they're already doing it. OR they'll send their little kids over to ask J right in the middle of the store. IT always upsets her--she hates to disappoint kids and so do I. They go away crying and we both feel bad.

Thing is, when I've got that harness on, I can't say hi, can't get ear rubs, pets, none of it. I'm at work. Sometimes people know that, sometimes they don't. Sometimes people are okay with it and understand. Other times, not really.

And I'll confess, I get a little goofy in new places when I'm not working. That harness comes off and I'm all dog--eating off the floor, the whole thing. It's like a spell or something. So, I like having the harness on when I'm out. It makes things clear--I know what to do.

I also like to show off. J can take me to a store and ask for anything--okay, anything she's used before--and I can find it. I love doing that. It makes Aim mad, too, which is kind of a bonus. (whatever she's looking for is usually right in front of her *snicker*) I don't do that at home. I don't work at home.

At home, I'm J's best friend--And I'm a dog, both. I stay with her, play with her, and try to make her smile. She always returns the favor.

I don't know what people do who don't have dogs.

Cosmo

I'm an ear man

2007-05-25T01:39:00.000-04:00

"I love you best" she tells me. I knew that. I gave her the cuddly puppy face. You don't have to see it to get it. And J doesn't let me down. She scratches my snout and then rubs my ears. Of course she loves me best. I love her best, too. That's how it's supposed to be.

I'm an ear man. Always have been. I appreciate a good ear rub because my ears always bother me. Even when they don't they do. I'm just kind of used to it. Once you get used to ear itches, they always feel like they want something. J understands. She gives a good ear rub.

Today hasn't been bad. It started out tense. The kid overslept. We'll all be glad when school's out.

J was on the phone some, on the machine a little, and puttered a bit. But every phone call made her smile more. Every time she did an email, she got a little happier.

Little things one at a time to make a just fine day. Sometimes not having a bad day is a good day. You've just got to appreciate a snout scratch and an ear rub. That and a smile makes me a very happy dog.

Okay, she had me at the smile. But I love a good ear rub.

Cosmo

Roland

2007-05-23T23:56:00.000-04:00

She acts like she's just figuring out that the cat is demented. He's a cat. They're all demented. Some of them are manic about it--others are more subtle.

J's pretty smart for a person. Maybe I've spoiled her. She seems to think the cat's going to listen to what she says. I really don't know why.

This isn't her first cat. She had cats when we first got together. Mr. Whiskers. He was orange and nearsighted. He thought I was Paige--J's first dog. Paige was afraid of getting her nose scratched. I'm not.

Mr. Whiskers slapped my face a few times and then I growled at him. He realized that I wasn't Paige and I was a whole lot bigger than him. We reached an understanding. But then, he was an older cat.

Roland is a year old. He's a maniac. He jumps on the counter and waits to make sure she means it before he jumps down. He drags the bread around --she bought a bread box. He shreds the toilet paper. Just today, Roland discovered the top of the refrigerator. The fun is just getting started.

I'm not worried. I got my bluff in first on this cat. What that means is that I'm safe, but J's probably gonna get her feelings hurt. I may actually have to bite this cat. I hate their hair. It's really hard to scrape off my tongue.

I'll let you know what happens.

Cosmo

Names and Places

2007-05-23T14:55:00.000-04:00

J was on the phone with the voice guy, Bick, last night and said, "Whaddaya want? Names, dates, and places?" He made her repeat that slow about three times till she sounded more like him. She was goofing, I think. No more goofing with words when she talks to Bick. But what she said made me think about a few things.

Mostly, I just started thinking about people words. A lot of dogs don't pay attention to people words. If they do, it's usually just one or two. Pretty much, only dogs with jobs really pay attention to what people say. Instead, we hear HOW people say things. Like are they mad? How does the voice sound?

That's something I've had in common with J from the start. She always listens to the sound of the words. It's one more thing that keeps us in tune with each other.

But I wanted to talk about words. One people word that most dogs recognize is BATH. I'm a water dog--most Labs love the water. Most Labs HATE baths. It's a whole thing. Soap, being restrained. We don't like it.

Still --we know the word bath. It's something that people do to dogs, or do to themselves. Why? well, who knows?

Except Bick. He lives in Bath. I can't figure that part out. He said the weather there right now is lovely. Nice and reasonably dry. How can a bath be dry? I have no idea how a bath can be lovely, but people seem to like 'em. But dry? No way.

Well, I'm hoping J reads this and explains it to me. I'd ask her but--doggie-shaped tongue and barking vocal chords only.

All I know for sure is that the cat doesn't want a Bath any more than I do, and we're both confused. So...I'm gonna go think about this awhile.

Talk to ya later.

Cosmo

People are strange

2007-05-20T10:57:00.000-04:00

People are VERY strange. They walk around talking into and out of little boxes. they shave off thier hair and cover up with other stuff.

In J's case, it's a ratty t-shirt that goes to her knees and a pair of red pants with holes in 'em. Holes! They're just random--like the pants are all worn out.

Why wear something with holes? I thought the idea of clothes was to cover up skin. I get the part wear people don't want to see certain parts of each other when they're walking around. But you have to admit--it's strange.

J's kid just left here wearing 2 shirts, a jacket and pants with holes. I just don't get it. The jacket and the shoes were both eye-peeling green. I don't know if that was on purpose or not--the shoes and jacket being the same color, I mean.

The good news this morning is that nobody said weasel. When someone says weasel, the kid pulls out this little thing and it explodes sending tiny little streams of paper and stuff everywhere. It smells bad and scares the cats.

Okay, that part's funny--the scaring the cats. Sometimes the kid waves the streamers around just to scare those furry little Nazis. Yeah, they're my cats, but they can be really annoying. They jump up on the couch and take my cushion if I so much as look at it. I HATE that. They slink all around my feet when I walk--we'll they're pretty big, but they TRY to slink. The kid got a new toy that makes noise. I hated it, but the cats hated it more. The kid says, "look, Mom! It's a cat repellant!" They ran like there was a Vet with a needle in the room.

Anyway, people are strange. And now, our plans for the day. J's gonna type into the machine, listen to the machine, or listen to recordings and repeat 'em. That's half the day. The other half, we'll nap, and then she'll walk back and forth through the apartment while she talks into the little phone-box. Sometimes, she'll melt dog food and cram it into my bone. The rest of the time, she'll talk to me and make odd noises while she practices.

But she'll feed me two more times today and take me out, too. She's strange, but she's mine.

Cosmo

What time is it?

2007-05-18T18:32:00.000-04:00

Do you really need to know? Me neither. But apparently, the kid does. J keeps telling her every few minutes. And the kid keeps sleeping.

I like to sleep--I do it a lot. But then, my job starts and ends with J getting up.

Today, the phone rang a lot. At least one of the phone calls was a good one, though. J got all excited and then she started pacing and laughing. She paces all the time on the phone. When her sister was here, she said it's how J stays small. She walks when she talks. Sometimes it makes the cat nuts and he attacks her legs. It doesn't stop her, but it's pretty fun watching her tap dance around the cat while talking.

Well, now the kid's up. She's not worried about the time, though. J just told her that it was fine because only one of them had a time-clock to worry about. J's already at her job--she just needs to do something.

For the last few days, J hasn't really typed into the machine much. She's been a little sad and she talked to Aim on the phone a few times. I don't like J being sad, but she hugs me a lot then. I like that part.

Okay, the kid's getting ready to go and we're (Me, J, and both cats) all piled on the couch. I like it this way. J's got a cup of coffee and the rest of us are going to sleep now that nobody keeps calling out what time it is.

I'll come back later. Tomorrow...some other time.

Cosmo

Charming

2007-05-16T16:42:00.000-04:00

Bick says that J is charming. I agree. I like her.

He says she is because she put him on speaker-phone so he had to talk to both of us when he called today. I didn't have much to say. I did appreciate it that he called me a "handsome fellow"--very insightful man.

We had coffee with him one morning in Houston at that crazy place with the elevators. J couldn't sleep so she took me out. The smell of the coffee brought her straight into the little coffee shop in the lobby. At the time, he said she was amusing, endearing, and lovely. She just shook her head at him and drank her coffee. But while they were sitting there, he said something about how she says her words. In fact, they talked about talking for a long time.

So now, they're on the phone a lot, still about how she talks. Funny, huh? Because of him, she talks to me a lot. She always did talk to me some, but we really didn't need it. Now she speaks to me more, which I like just fine. He does use lots of sounds when he says words. I think she's doing it more, too. She told him that her friend Aim (I LOVE Aim) said to not say Cool Beans anymore. But her friend Robb said she should say Hot Porridge, instead. They practiced that one for almost five minutes. It was hysterical.

I don't think we'll actually ever be in the same place as Bick again. It's always later where he is than where we are--a bunch of hours later. But it looks like we'll be hearing from him a lot. I'll let you know when she really starts to sound like him. One thing about it, I'm not worried that she'll ever look like him...he's taller than her.

Cosmo

Cool Beans?

2007-05-15T11:12:00.000-04:00

Barb just called. We're doin' lunch again. Unusual, but I'm good with it. J needs to hang out with someone who can talk with her. Besides the kid.

Don't get me wrong, the kid's been pretty good. She make me snicker a couple days ago. J pulled out some pants that were apparently NOT Mom-Jeans. When she got dressed, the kid made this noise that went "Mrrrrowwwwrr". J laughed and laughed. Then the kid got on the phone to one of her friends and said "My mom is hot !" Like I said, it was funny.

Still, she needs to talk with older people right now, I think. And she needs plenty of coffee. Barb and Cool Beans are both good for that.

I'm hanging out, making sure J gets her naps, chases the geese--all the things she ought to do when she's not typing away on the machine. Maybe I'll find you guys after lunch.

Cosmo

Mom's Day

2007-05-13T16:02:00.000-04:00

I'm glad J has her kids. One kid called and gave her a warm fuzzy last night. I don't think she even knew it was Mom's Day. But J liked talking to her. So that was good.

Because otherwise, yesterday didn't end up being a happy day. When J gets upset, I get upset. I don't think I'm gonna let anyone get too close to her anymore. Something's going on and I need to pay attention.

Even the kid's on dog-watch. She was chasing J around with a little box that sounded like J when she hit a button. So she made J scream and then kept making the box do that afterward. I didn't like it. At all. J made her stop turning the thing on inside the apartment. I REALLY didn't like it.

The kid made J breakfast--good kid. Then they talked a lot. Then they turned their machines on and talked some more while they typed into 'em. So most of the day was okay. But I think we're doing something later that J's not too happy about. She keeps telling the kid that she might as well get it over with. I don't like the sound of that, but I'll be there.

Dog on the job. J's never alone, I'm always here for her. She knows it, too. And she lets me know she appreciates it. Good thing, because if I can't see her--well, that's just not going to happen. I'd get growly. People wouldn't like me when I'm growly.

I'm sure everything will be just fine. So maybe it's Mother's Day. But it's J Day for me every day.

Cosmo

Vowels

2007-05-12T11:19:00.000-04:00

That's what J was going on about last night. Vowels. She used to get phone calls a lot, but now, she talks to her lawyer and her voice coach and sometimes her friend Aim on the phone. Yesterday, the lawyer made her mad about papers she didn't want to talk about so then there was the voice coach.

He's an English guy so he talks different and he wants her to talk like him. He has her looking up all these actors on the machine and listening to things he thinks she'll like in order to make her talk better. And yesterday, he told her to concentrate on the vowels. So she kept saying words with lots of vowels to me last night. It was strange.

This morning, nice.

One of those mornings where she leaves the balcony door open and you can hear the birds and wind blowing in the trees. You can even smell the big water a little. It's nice. And quiet. Just me, J, the cats, and the kid.

J made pancakes and made me a filled bone. The kid called out things from the news to her. J doesn't watch TV and now nobody tells her the news. She sees things from the world on the machine, but doesn't know what happened down the street. So the kid tells her.

They eat these long skinny popsicles and neither one likes the purple. Sometimes they bring each other the purple anyway and... well, they're pretty funny. These are my favorite mornings.

Don't know what the day will bring, but so far so good. The kid will leave and it'll be me, J, and the cats. Should be a peanut butter day. With Vowels. I'll keep you posted.

Cosmo

2007-05-11T16:03:00.000-04:00

Nice day today. Our nap ended badly—J was mumbling about being a secretary when the phone rang for the second time.

We headed for the shower. I just hang out on the big round mat she got for me. The steam relaxes me and I like to know what she’s doing. She could slip ya know.

Anyhow, she came out of the shower still mumbling, but happier. She said something to me about muses, sailboats, and Thomas Jefferson, and started to dry her hair. She wasn’t into it and just headed for the kitchen--coffee.

I know I’m gonna have a good day when J gets the peanut butter out. It was a very good day.

She slapped some peanut butter on a rawhide-filled bone, handed it to me and wandered over to the machine. The only time she got up was when the phone rang. All she did was stuff it under the couch cushion and start typing again. She didn’t even notice what time it was. The kid had to ring the doorbell to get in. She never brings her keys. Told you J would be locking the door from now on.

Whatever she was typing, she finished. Like I said, a good day. She may end up doing more. She was sweeping the stairs, but she’s on her way back. Yep, heading for the peanut butter. This really is a good day. I’ll catch ya later.

Hope you had a good day, too.

GRRRR

2007-05-11T06:47:00.000-04:00

"I'm not taking the dog out 'til you get up!"

No kiddin' she just said that!!!

Why is that gonna make the kid get up? She can go to the bathroom anytime she wants!

Now J's on the phone with some fool--because only a fool would call her before she's had coffee. Or before ten in the morning.

"I can't believe you're bothering me right now," she's saying. I've got to agree... "No, I am not going to have lunch with you. I'm not going to have lunch at all. As it happens, I don't have to eat. Don't you have a wife and some little lawyers to feed?"

She looks mad. I really thought this guy was smarter than that.

"Write it into the next retainer contract, and I want Royal Cup Mocha Java...Google it. Maybe by then I'll have paid your bill."

She's smiling. She must be kidding. It's okay, then. Sorta. Mornings are NOT good.

Oh man, the geese! The geese are out there! besides I really have to go! C'mon J! And the geese...

"I'm not talking about that now." Her mood just went south and she STILL hasn't had coffee. We need to live on an island. "Call me AFTER lunch. WAY after."

She hung up and she LOOKS really mad. I thought that guy was smart. Well, he'll learn. He's young.

Okay, we're going. I'll catch ya later. She'll be on the phone after lunch, it looks like.

Cosmo

Doggie Vent part deaux

2007-05-10T21:05:00.000-04:00

Yep, I'm back. and there's a reason. I have had a busy day today.

Normally, J's pretty good about locking the front door. When her sister and all were staying here, she started keeping it unlocked--folks coming and going all the time, y'know. She'll be checking that from now on.

So--she's dancing around, singing do-do-do, da-da-da, and it's cracking me up. I saw her legal guy come in, I heard him before that, I AM a dog with excellent hearing--and I take good care of her.

But she was singing for heaven's sake. The woman should know better- she's awful, no amount of voice-coaching will help there --so I was laughing my tail off. By the time the junior partner made the top of the stairs, he was laughing his tail off. I was pretty impressed with how well he held out in full business suit and tie, much better singing voice than her, and dancing her around the dining area, spinning and dipping her --it was kinda warm up here. The echo is GREAT with less people and less stuff. He's got a nice laugh.

He said he stopped by because he wanted to talk about her cool Amazon and Barns numbers or something. But I think it was just because he felt guilty about not coming up to us in the Java Joint (he confessed--he didn't want that kid's nasty hands on him any more than I did)

Still, the whole thing was funny and I was still snickering when we walked up the sidewalk later and I got a face full of bubbles and an earful of toddler.

Going to Target killed my mood the rest of the way. Somebody tell the guy with the mustache and permanent cell phone that you're never going to find travel mugs and kitty-litter in the toy department.

What you WILL find are children. Squealing, screaming, enthusiastic children.

The good news? It's going to take six strong men and a bull-moose with rope and a crowbar to get her out of this apartment again before Tuesday. (except to take me out, of course)

Cosmo

What's a dog to do?

2007-05-10T16:54:00.000-04:00

You guys don't really hear much from me, I know. Don't you think it's about time I spoke up? Sure, J.J. gets all the attention...okay, a lot...some of the attention. But I work hard.

What? I do!

I just figured it was time to tell it from a dog's perspective. F'rinstance...today.

We get up at some rediculous hour. Gotta be 6 or so. That wouldn't so bad if J turned the lights out before 3.

This time it wasn't entirely the machine's fault, but mostly. You have no idea...the machine rules her life. That works in my favor when I can convince her she forgot to feed me. Sometimes it's pathetically easy. Other times, I swear she takes notes. Anyway, I got two suppers last night and an extra snack. She thinks if she feeds me at 3, I'll sleep later.

Not hardly.

That's the price she's got to pay for keeping me up that late.

So, why so late? Short answer: The old man came by, got her all growly. J started drinking the red stuff and then typing away every time the machine made a squawk noise. That's the IM thing. She was laughing a lot, so I let it go. She was really growly before the thing started squawking. When J tells me I'm the best relationship she's ever had with a man, I believe her. Depends on the tone of voice how I feel about it. If she's sad, I want to go bite 'em all--after I lay on her legs till she falls asleep. If she's mad, I wanna growl, bark and bite the one. It'd be too easy, though.

Anyhow, today. We went out. J's turned into a real homebody but we do go out some. I cringe when we go out with the square thing. that means we're gonna be up and busy non-stop. This time, it was her wacky but sweet friend Barb who always talks to me a lot and cleans out the back seat in her car for me. That means she's gonna eat, we'll do errands (which I hate), and talk some--and now she's doing this crazy stuff with her voice---don't get me started.

Of course, we go to some restaurant that smells like all the coffee in the world. It's either Cool Beans or the Java Joint. This time, Java Joint. Upside: J likes the food, she's better with strong coffee in her, the waitresses know me, lthey ike dogs, I get treats, they leave me alone, and don't step on me. Downside: "Look Mommy! A DOG!!!! Can I pet him?" it usually goes down hill from there. Today was a double shot. Kids at the front door, and kids sat down at the table next to us.

All the time we were there it was, "No, I'm sorry, the doggie's busy," or "he can't visit," or "the doggie's taking care of me," then J'd lean over to talk to Barb, then quick catch the sticky little hand before it left chili prints on my tail, fake smile at the kid's mom or in her direction and say, "I think your little one got lost." This or variations on the theme happen any time that Barb turns her head, goes to the bathroom, whatever. So J didn't eat much, I've got a headache, and Foodtown was almost a pleasure after that.

So, now J's listening to 3 different people sing the same song. But every now and then, she laughs, shakes her head and mumbles, "Pete," and then goes back to what she was doing, which was change the kitty litter and clean the bathroom. What? Blind people clean. Stuff smells bad, it makes 'em cranky.

Anyway, she's on her way back in, so more some other time. This ain't easy without thumbs but I gotta vent. That's not easy when I'm not supposed to bark.

Later.

Cosmo