All in a day...

I lead a simple life.

I ought to. I'm a dog.

A dog's life should not really be all that complicated. That's a good thing because I can't get my own food--well, I can, but I get all sorts of negative feedback when I do.

Therefore, J feeds me.

If she forgets the time, I remind her. In fact, as a special consideration, I usually let her know a half hour or so in advance. I know how much she hates to forget things. It's the least I can do, right? I don't whine, I don't nag...but I like to eat on time.

It's not like she has to do my laundry, after all.

It's a simple life, like I said.

She told someone today that she's afraid she bores me.

It's always one way or the other with her. There's never a steady flow of entertainment that eases into bed time. She's either up all night keeping me up, or she's up all night doing something so quiet that even the cats are bored.

For awhile, it was all saxophone music, all the time. I'll never get The Girl from Ipenema out of my head. Lately, she's started listening to TV and Movie clips on the machine so she can hear different accents. It's better than nothing. That and the days we visit her students keep me from complete crazy boredom.

When she gets too quiet, I get up on the love seat and stare at her. Whenever her head turns in my general direction, I wag my tail madly. It never fails to get a rise out of her.

A dog's gotta do something for entertainment, right?

Cosmo

Long Days

Hi. It's been a week or two so I figured it was past time for me to nudge J away from the computer and get a few words in. Not many, just a few.

There's not a lot going on, really. Still, who should I tell about how cranky J is besides you? It's not like the cats don't know. They're just smaller and able to hide in the closet.

A bunch of kids got the wild idea to play on the hill behind our balcony this morning. That's going to cause J to get grumpy every time. She's not at her best in the morning. I count morning for her as after she's been to sleep--she usually turns everything off some time around 4--I know it's four because once in awhile, the kid will stumble out and point out the time to her.

Well, anyway, J slammed the sliding glass door and put the air on. (which might not have been necessary except she left the oven broiler on after she made a snack) It was a tense morning around these parts.

When she got up, she took me out on the balcony and brushed me.

A lot.

I think we carpeted the 3 balconies to the right with hair--including the one where all those little girls live.

Those are also the people that use a lot of garlic. Often. A whole lot of garlic.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better. I'm certainly a good five pounds lighter--less hair. We work out in the world tomorrow, so it won't matter if a heard of giggly girls plays under the balcony and then it's supposed to rain the next day.

that'll work.

See you guys later.

Cosmo

Peticure or Pet Annoy?

J means well.

that's my new mantra--J really does mean well. She has good intentions.

No matter how you say it...it's the same.

She means well.

I, however, object to her methods.

Here's the thing. I know my nails get long. I know we have a wooden floor. Traction is not always readily available to me. And I am aware that I hate having my nails trimmed.

One bad experience with that and you'd hate it, too.

See, people can't always tell where the flesh part of a dog's nails meets the nail part. When they make an error, we bleed -- which usually hurts, as you can imagine. So I don't like folks grabbing my paws and feet, and especially coming at me with sharp implements.

Not only that, since J doesn't drive, getting places can be a chore.

Well, the kid had a great idea. Get a Peticure! she said. I didn't really know what that was, but it delayed the toenail torture, so I was okay with it.

J looked it up on the machine, went to Amazon and read the reviews. It's like a drill, she told me, with sandpaper on the end.

A drill? So, a rotary tool of sorts. Something that spins real fast with an abrasive material on the end made for dulling surfaces or stripping paint off of things or whatever.

And her plan was to apply that to my sensitive nails. Sand away the tips of my toes.

I say was because, yes, she did.

She determined that Dremel was the most recommended appliance by Amazon shoppers, paid whatever, and it came in the mail.

The good news is, it took her several days to get around to it. Other good news is she gave me many milk bones first to bribe me, then to repay me for my trauma.

Oh yeah, there was trauma. (Some of it HER trauma. Ask her how that Dremel felt against HER skin)

I'm sulking right now, because she says she intends to do it again in a few days.

Sulking is like pouting only more. Ask J. She's gonna be an expert in telling the difference, I promise you.

I have to go. My paws hurt.

Cosmo

Overworked, Underpaid

That's what I am. I'm overworked and don't get enough kibble for it.

She took me to the mall on Sunday. Or I took her...

Anyway, she and the kid decided it was time for a haircut. Since a trip to the mall means a ride in a cab, I wasn't excited about it. I don't mind riding in some cars, but a a lot of cabs have leather seats. Leather seats mean sliding dog. I don't like it. I'm not into thrill rides of any kind.

So we went to the mall and laid--layed? We hung out in Starbucks for awhile. That's all fine for her. She drinks coffee, she gets a donut, it's all right for her. for me, I'm laying around on a stone floor listening to loud noises, inhaling more coffee fumes than any one dog should, and there's not the first crumb anywhere around.

After that, we went to the hair cut place--where it seems they got their floor advice from Starbucks. It didn't smell like coffee, but I'm not at all sure there weren't dead bodies in some sort of preservative liquid. That's what it smelled like. Dogs are sensitive to smell. You'd think J would keep that in mind.

Maybe I'm just being a whiner--after all, she only does this twice a year. The lady said she was cutting off four inches of hair. I go through a lot of hair, but that's more than I ever want to part with.

And by the way--she looks the same to me.

We got a better cab on the way home. it had soft, non slippy seats. That was better, but the grocery guy was there when we got home. He was really early and forgot the coupons. That put J in a grouchy mood. After that, she wouldn't even give me a milk bone.

Well, she did, but it took her long enough to get to it. And they're the small ones. I'm a big dog. Don't I deserve a big milk bone?

Then we get to work on Monday and the OT guy wants to know if J will take them across this big highway so he can see how blind people do that, so he can try to teach her student. With and without the dog, he says.

Asks.

Whatever. I'm not just THE DOG.

So then, J tells him she CAN do it, but she's not leaving me alone somewhere (or at home) just so he can see. She tells him we'll take the walk next week and in the meantime, they can get an O&M specialist if they want to do it without a dog present.

At first I was all fired up. Way to stand up for me J!

And then I realized--she's just volunteered me to slog across some huge highway, risking life and limb, just so the other guy can say he did it.

No, I don't get paid enough for this.

Nope.

See you later. I have to go pout now.

Cosmo

Staring

Look at me! I'm finally back.

J's been hogging the computer. I mean really HOGGING it.

and then, twice, it wouldn't work. Well, really, once it wouldn't work but that turned out to be the battery. The other time it worked but it was the wires that didn't work. Internet, yeah. that's it. Not like i didn't hear that over and over when she was lamenting it. The Internet was out.

It's back on though. Obviously.

So J's been doing tons of things, writing, carrying on. I guess that's good.

It makes her happy and I like that. But she doesn't really eat as much then and even worse, she isn't as affected by my stare.

Sure, sometimes she is. I can convince her that she forgot to feed me or take me out if I stare long enough. But other times, she just doesn't notice.

Why is that?

I have a GREAT stare. I can get folks, sighted or blind, to stop what they're doing and pet me any time i want.

Maybe I just need to nap. When I get up, I'll stare some more.

So, now that i have a plan, I'll catch you later. Or soon. Whenever I can get back onto this machine.

Take care!

Cosmo

Whatever it takes...

Well, J got a new toy.


Apparently, she got a very good deal on it. You wouldn’t believe how excited she was. I thought it was food at first, she was so happy.


The Irritant was all over it. That’s the other reason I thought it was food. You think I like food? She REALLY likes her kibble. J can’t even pick her up. In fact, she’s almost as big as me…Okay, maybe not, but she’s big.


Anyway, J’s pretty pleased.


Now she can write things three different ways. She can say stuff into her little recorder, which she will only do when nobody else is around. That’s kind of self-defeating because she generally has the computer then anyhow. That’s the second way she can write. She uses the computer. But she shares that with the kid. So, now she has a third way. It’s a little thing that just looks like you can type and that’s all. So she does. But it makes her happy and she’s typing a lot.



When she runs out of things to type, she goes back to working on the kid’s blanket.


As long as she’s happy, we’re all happy. And that blanket’s pretty big now. Too bad it’s not cold out anymore. Well, maybe tonight it will be.


Peace and happiness in our little world. That’s really all I care about. Oh, and peanutbutter bones. As a matter of fact, I think it’s about time for one.


Take care.


Cosmo

Writing Again

Not me...J is.

Writing again, I mean.

I think that I'd get to write more if she stopped. But that's okay. She's happy to be writing. So it's good. A happy J gives me more snacks....unless she forgets. But mostly it's good.

Except now you guys think I'm lazy again, right?

Well, truthfully, I never stopped being lazy.

Something computer-like of J's broke, too. It was black, shiny, and it plugged in. She was really upset about the whole thing. The kid said she must have dropped it.

For future reference, don't ever ask her if she dropped it about stuff. Probably any stuff. She doesn't like that.

In the end, she said she thinks the cats did it. They might have.

J never even leaves the computer on the couch for more than a couple of minutes. She thinks the cats are going to get behind it and push it off.

I wouldn't put it past them.

The Irritant is just laying up there beside J, making some kind of cooing noise. Of course, that could be because she's overweight and just breathes like that. I don't know where The Menace is. You can bet he'll turn up, though.

They think they own the place. But neither one of THEM ever write.

It's probably a good thing. I don't really want to know what they're thinking.

Talk to you later.

Cosmo

Life

I hurt myself.

It wasn't bad. Just a scrape.

The kid noticed. I don't like to whine, you know?

So, the kid noticed and started touching it, talking to J about it. (her fingers tickled, but I let it go)

J got all worked up about it, trying to figure out when it happened, how much it hurt, what to do about it...you know the drill.

The bottom line is, it's a scrape. it hurts sometimes--stings really--and there's not a single thing they can do about it. When did it happen? who cares? Well, J does, but she's like that. It's not like we can go back and undo it.

I'm not a puppy anymore. I wish I was. I sort of wish J was a puppy, too, but then she couldn't feed me. That would be a problem.

I've heard J say, to me and to someone on the phone, that if she could start over, there were definitely things she would do differently. Me, too.

I'd do a few things differently if I had the chance. I know you think I'm just a dog and don't have any choice. Well, there are people, cats, and other dogs I would certainly bite if I could. There are a couple of geese around here just begging for a good chase. And don't get me started about that sloth at Silver Springs. It taunted me any time we got near it.

I've heard that regrets are a part of life...yeah, maybe. Over all, I'm okay with how things have gone. If I had it all to do again, I'd for sure do it without the lingering ear infection that most Labs get. I've had a heck of a time shaking it.

Ahh, well, that's life.

I'm done with being philosophical now. J put a biscuit in my sterile bone. I have current issues to deal with now.

Talk to you later.

Cosmo

Hot Water

Apparently hot water is pretty important. I don't use it.

It was so important, though, that someone rang the doorbell and let J know there wouldn't be any for awhile. She didn't even get mad, and it was still early on a stay at home day.

If it's a stay at home day, the kid gets the computer as long as she wants because J stays up all night and sleeps a lot the next day. Generally, if someone rings the bell on those mornings, J gets really growl-ly.

After she got done talking to the guy at the door, she came back upstairs and someone was on the phone. I'm pretty sure it was Jimmy.

It turns out that the guy who told J about the water spoke American. The guy who told Jimmy about the water spoke something else. I don't know what else he spoke, but it wasn't a language that Jimmy spoke.

I can appreciate water. The fact that there wasn't any for awhile yesterday was not good. the fact that there wasn't any water this morning was REALLY not good. There was enough water in a bottle for J and the kid to have coffee. Otherwise, very bad things would have happened.

J took a kind of a bath with club soda this morning. That was odd--there's just no other way to put it.

The water is back on now, and some of it is hot. I guess that means we're going to live happily ever after now.

Until the next thing happens.


Cosmo

Cookie Monster

Well, the kid came in, saw the cookies, and got all excited.

Oh! You made cookies! Why'd you make cookies? What's in 'em? Hey, these are really good.

J started answering those questions she could...Yep, she made cookies. She made the cookies because she wanted cookies. (seems obvious to me, but hey, I'm just the dog, right?) They've got chocolate, those nuts that were on the microwave and the other nuts that were in the bread box, cake mix, eggs, oil, and...well, she's glad the kid likes 'em.

Then came the big question. J should've known it was coming. I'm not sure how many cookies the kid had before she asked:

So how many calories do you think are in each cookie?

A little known fact about J. She can't lie to a direct question. It's like a curse.

A hundred and ten she blurts out. Apparently, that information was in the recipe, because if she hadn't known, she'd have said that.

The kid started to choke. I guess she was in the middle of chewing. That never happens to dogs, just in case you've ever wondered.

You're kidding, right? Say you're kidding.

I think J saw herself having to eat all of those cookies by herself.

Um...you know I never make my cookies as big as they say you should. I bet they're half the size...

Long story short--the kid decided that the cookies were pretty small and that three was a serving size, and that eating the broccoli and tofu Teriyaki stuff J made made up for it enough that she could have more cookies.

I never had any doubt that she'd find a way to justify it. That kid would eat sawdust cookies if you sprinkled powdered sugar on 'em. She loves cookies. Any cookies. Can't resist. (of course, sawdust and rice cakes have a lot in common...)

I, however, have not been invited to try a cookie. Still. Don't give me that nonsense about chocolate and dogs. It's an excuse.

I think I'll take a nap. That way I don't have to watch them eating cookies.

Cosmo